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E42: Kim’s Conversation with a Psychic

by Frame of Mind June 13, 2017

Karen Curry ParkerKaren Curry Parker, #1 best-selling author and the creator of the Human Design for Everyone Training System and the Healing by Human Design System, shares how she became a top-ranking psychic and how she built her business as a single mom of five.

Karen also shares how she can determine someone’s life purpose just by knowing the date, time and place of their birth.

If you like what you hear in this episode of Resilience Radio, please rate, review & subscribe on iTunes!

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Show notes:

Kim: Welcome, this is Kim Ades from the Frame of Mind Coaching and I am the host of Resilience Radio where my guests are professionals who are experts at crushing the tough stuff.

Today, we have a very interesting guest with us. Her name is Karen Curry Parker. She is a number one best-selling author, creator of the Human Design for Everyone Training System. Wait, do I ever want to learn more about that? And the Healing by Human Design System.

She’s a trainer, a professional speaker, who has been in high-performance life and business coach for more than 27 years and personally coached over 7,500 people, 7,500 people personally one-on-one. Karen, is that right?

Karen: I’ve been doing this a very long time.

Kim: Wow! I thought I coached a lot. I want to keep telling you but Karen because really she has a lot of kids and she singlehandedly raised them. Karen, I mean, I’m really interested in that because I have five kids of my own. I didn’t give birth to all of them. I gave birth to two of them. I got three of them by default. But you have even more than that.

Karen: I gave birth to five and I have three who are my blessed stepdaughters. And so, between my husband and I, we’re eight together.

Kim: Holy smokes! So, tell me a little bit about that and then I would love to spend some time learning about your professional career and your training systems. But before we do that, just tell me about raising your children for at least a period of time on your own.

Karen: I got married really young at 19 and my first marriage didn’t work out very well. After about 17 years, we had said, “Okay, that’s enough.” My first husband left me with four of our kids. We had four. And, I basically had them by myself to raise, to feed, to clothe, to health, to educate, to navigate through life for 10 years.

Kim: Wow!

Karen: And, most importantly, I think to me, I didn’t just raise them. I also kept my business going, which was the biggest adventure I think out of all of it.

Kim: So go back, how old were your kids at the time when you split up with your husband?

Karen: I think they were four, six, eight and 10.

Kim: Four, six, eight and 10 but you have five children.

Karen: I do. As I said, it’s a long story. By the grace of —

Kim: At least, trying to do the math.

Karen: Do the math. By the grace of God, when I was 43 years old, I felt pregnant again, which was also an interesting thing because I was certainly not expecting to have a baby as a single mom with four teenagers at that point. But you know what we say, man plans, God laughs.

And so, I actually had my fifth child. And then, David, my husband-to-be for four years until finally through and the [inaudible 00:04:15] said, “You know, the trick is, let’s just get married and be a family.” So I got three stepdaughters in addition to that at that point.

Kim: So, can I ask a tricky question? You felt pregnant again. Was this your future husband’s child or somebody else?

Karen: It was. Yes. Absolutely. I mean, we can go into all the miraculous details if you want.

Kim: Well, I don’t know. Just the way you said it out, it was a little unclear.

Karen: It was a little unclear at the time. Let me tell you.

Kim: So, four, six, eight and 10, and then basically, a lot of years later, you had another child.

Karen: [Overlapping conversations 00:04:55] it is.

Kim: So, you have this little young — so how old is that child now?

Karen: She is now seven, almost eight she’ll tell you.

Kim: Wow! And she’s keeping you young.

Karen: I think everything keeps you young as long as you keep moving. Yes, she is definitely a life force to be reckoned with.

Kim: It’s very interesting because I got married young, too. I got married at 20 and I stayed married about 15 years. And, I didn’t have my kids full time at the time. We shared custody. But over time, they ended up migrating and being with me full time. In fact, after I met my second husband and got married, and had his kids full time, so that it became a household of five. But it’s interesting because I’m also a child myself that comes 13 years after my brother. So, I know what it’s like to be the baby.

Karen: She’s really an only kid in that respect I think.

Kim: It’s a bit of a blend. So, how did you raise these four children at the time on your own? What did you do? How did you juggle everything? Was there anyone around to help you? How did you work and have kids or did you work and have kids? How do you work?

Karen: I totally work and had kids. It’s a really dysfunctional story. At that point in my life, I was really in survival mode and I certainly would say that I got divorced. I actually was left with $400 to my name when my husband left and then his defense, he had a lot of significant mental health issues that just really made it difficult for him.

And, I had to scramble. Within two days, I had $1,200 worth of rent due and I was living in Sedona, Arizona at the time, which I don’t know if you’ve ever been there but there’s really only two paths for employment there. You either work as a psychic or you work as a timeshare salesperson. And so, I didn’t know anything about real estate and I had been a nurse for a while, and I had let my license lapse because I hated nursing so much as a profession. But I figured, as a nurse, I had some training in listening to people and I probably could be a better psychic than a realtor.

So, I bumped into a friend who said, “Why don’t you come on down to the Sedona Center for the New Age. I think they’re hiring.” And, I got a job at this bizarre place. I mean, it was just bizarre. I used to call it the psychic horror house just because you had to pay an exorbitant amount of rent for your little tiny room and then they would bring people up to your room for readings. But I started working there and within a day, I managed to make rent and stayed there for a while trying to balance it all out.

Kim: So hold on. You actually became a psychic?

Karen: I did. I actually became one of the country’s top rank 50 psychics. And, I loved the work. I never trusted it. I always felt really nervous because I never wanted to hurt anybody because people take that information really seriously sometimes. So, I learned the way of doing readings that opened people up to possibilities rather than fixing them into a fate. And I could use my background as a coach at that point to talk about, “Well, here’s what I’m seeing and the pattern that I’m seeing, and if you keep on with this pattern, here’s what’s probably going to happen but let’s talk about what else you could be creating in your reality.”

So, it was an interesting time to learn a lot about people in pain to be honest.

Kim: So, hold on a second. Your background in coaching but were you a coach at that point? Because you said you —

Karen: I was a coach at that point but I was not very good at making my business work as a coach at that point.

Kim: So, sorry and I need a little timeline. So, you get married at 19.

Karen: Yes.

Kim: You stay married for 17 years. When do you become a coach?

Karen: I became a coach when I was about 24 or 25. I worked as a midwife first and then started coaching, and then actually studied with Thomas Leonard. Actually, we studied at Thomas Leonard before coaching was even called coaching. It was really actually technically called coaching I think until Time magazine did an article on coaching and then Thomas Leonard was featured.

So, I had studied coaching.

Kim: For people who don’t know, who is Thomas Leonard?

Karen: Thomas Leonard is technically considered to be the Father of Life Coaching. He really is one of the original founders of life, the concept of life coaching.

Kim: So, you became a coach and then nothing happened.

Karen: Nothing happened. I also studied all kinds of energy techniques, I studied healing touch, I studied Emotional Freedom Techniques with Gary Craig who is the creator of that. And, at that point, I actually started the first Parent Coach Certification Training Program because I’m a Child Development Specialist by official training.

Kim: But all that stuff happened before you got divorced?

Karen: All that stuff happened before you got divorced. My first husband and I really worked to build the business together. But as I said, one of the challenges was that with some of the issues that we had with health and wellness that we never could keep anything of on track because there was always a crisis that we had to work with. So, it was very difficult under those circumstances without the other stuff, without the kids and everything else added to it to try to keep the business up and running.

And then, as I said, we moved to Sedona because — that’s a whole another different stream. We moved to Sedona because I wanted to study Human Design, which is an astrology program that I know teach. And, the headquarters for Human Design was in Sedona at that time. And, when I moved to Sedona, I began to work for them part time for a short time and I studied there, and then at that point, my marriage fell apart and then I got into a scramble mode.

Kim: So now, you’re a psychic.

Karen: Mm-hmm.

Kim: And, you’re giving readings. And so, how do you do that? We want a little more detail on that. Especially you didn’t go to psychic school, how did that work?

Karen: I didn’t go to psychic school, no. So, it’s a long story that goes back. We have to go back and forth in time again. When I was 16, I started college at 16 because I got really bored in high school and I went to college at Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas, which if you’ve ever been there, it’s a very conservative place and an oddball place for me to be.

And, I had an accident when I was in school and actually detached the retina in one of my eyes and lived close to this weird strip mall, which they have a lot of those in Texas. And, one day I was out walking around, I wasn’t going to school because I’m having a hard time reading. I went to the strip mall and there was a tiny little psychic shop there or a metaphysical shop, which first of all, you never find those in Texas in general and certainly not in College Station, Texas. But I went in there and I felt inspired to buy a Rider-Waite deck of tarot cards.

And, I took the tarot cards home and because I could really only use one eye, I was holding them far out with my left hand and looking at them, and reading these tarot cards and trying to read the manual. When I finally went, “I know these. I don’t know how I know these but I know these.” So, I spent a couple of months really getting comfortable with the tarot cards. This just is a weird sight. When I went back to that metaphysical shop a week later, it was gone.

So, I had a background in tarot and I had a background, it was a fun background in astrology, nothing huge, until I met Human Design. Somebody brought me a chart and I thought, “I have to go study this.” And then, I moved to Sedona, which is the capital of all that weird stuff and then I started doing psychic readings because I needed the money. And, at that point, I had a whole collection of different kinds of cards that I liked, so I used the cards because at least it gave me training wheels before I could feel comfortable sharing what I was intuitively getting along the way.

Kim: So what you’re saying is you didn’t need psychic school because you had psychic intuition, I don’t know what else to say. Is that the right word?

Karen: I think that’s a right word, yeah. Here’s the thing. I think when I look back at my life especially at this stage of the game, I think there was a lot of destiny at hand and I just at the time didn’t realize that things were unfolding the way they needed to in the hindsight and go, “Oh, I see. That was best because of that.”

But at the time, this was merrily tripping along through my reality thinking, “Oh, I’ll follow this, I’ll follow that.” But there was an interesting divine perfection around the whole thing.

Kim: So, you’re a psychic, how long are you a psychic for?

Karen: I think I moved to Minneapolis in 2004.

Kim: So, can you go back? Your kids were young, right, four, six, eight and 10, and you’re a psychic, so who’s taking care of your kids while you’re being a psychic?

Karen: They were in school. I was homeschooling them for a while and then I had put them in school. So they went to school and then I worked as a psychic during the day, and then I was home for homework at three in the afternoons. And then, I did readings at night. Because we were so broke at that time, I actually used to do work on a 1-900 line, too. So, at that point, I would sleep with my cell phone in bed with me and it would ring, and I would do readings in the middle of the night and God knows what I said to people at that point in time but it did help pay the bills.

Kim: Wow!

Karen: Where are we?

Kim: So, what happened after that? How did you get from being a psychic to now starting your business again?

Karen: So, it all involves me coming to Minneapolis to teach at an expo. I was invited to come teach at an expo and then I met a guy, which that’s always the thing that happens, right?

Kim: That’s what always happens. You always meet a guy.

Karen: I met a guy and at the time when we were living at Sedona, my kids are starting to get to the age where they were like — at Sedona at that point, there wasn’t anything there. There was one movie theater. You had to drive 45 minutes away to go make a photocopy. So I thought, “This is too small for the kids. They need to be somewhere else.”

So, I went to Minneapolis, I met a guy. He, within the third date, asked me to marry him. I don’t know why I said yes but I did. And then moved my family from Sedona to Minnesota, moved in with the guy, got rid of all my belongings including my car, realized very shortly after I moved in that I should not have moved in with the guy, moved out from the guy.

Kim: So you didn’t marry him?

Karen: I didn’t marry him. And at that point in time, that was when they had the no money down, you don’t need a job, all you need to do is put your signature on this piece of paper home mortgage stuff going on. So, I managed to finagle a house that I bought and I have no idea why they gave me a loan but they did. I had no business. I had no money. I had no furniture, no car but I had a house.

And, at that point in time, I just really started learning how to tap into my own success and my own definition of myself. I was certainly sick at that point of bumping around and feeling stupid all the time, and lost and frustrated, and broke and really dig some deep, deep digging and slowly but surely began to build the work that I do now.

Kim: So, at the risk of being a little facetious, you’re a psychic, couldn’t you predict any of this?

Karen: Probably but I doubted my own self so strongly that I think it overrode any intuitive thing. I mean, definitely for sure. I mean, I think it’s a lot easier to see the truth for other people sometimes than it is to see for yourself.

Kim: So, now, you’re in Minnesota0, you’re in a strange land. Did you have family?

Karen: Na-uh.

Kim: And what about in Sedona, did you have family there?

Karen: Uh-uh. Nope.

Kim: So, you’ve been riding solo for years and years, and years.

Karen: Yes, at that point, yes.

Kim: And so, now, you start your business.

Karen: Yeah, I had an old mailing list of about 800 people that I hadn’t contacted for a while and started sending out emails. And, at that point in time, I had really become masterful I think at Human Design and I started doing Human Design readings and psychic readings, and coaching and anybody else anybody would pay me for just about, and really began to craft an online-based business that have the main focus of helping people. And in that time, I began to write more and put together a couple of books that I self-published. I started a publishing company. What else did I do? I did a lot of other things. I started a radio show.

Kim: So, I have two questions. One is what is Human Design and the next is I want to know what you wrote in that 800 people mailing list that you hadn’t spoken to in years? So, two questions. What is Human Design? Let’s start there.

Karen: Human Design is a system of personality assessment that is a synthesis of Eastern and Western astrology, the Chinese teaching, the Hindu Chakra system Kabbalah and Quantum Physics. So, it works just like traditional astrology.

Kim: So, let’s pretend nobody understood a word you just said. So, I come to you and I say, “I want a Human Design assessment.” Is that correct right language?

Karen: That’s the right language, yeah.

Kim: So then, what do I need to do? You need my birthdates? What do you need me to do?

Karen: Birthday, birth time and birthplace.

Kim: So, it’s an astrological report.

Karen: Correct. So, we take your birth data, plug it into a computer program. It fits out this chart that looks very much like the blueprint for the hardware like the electricity in your kitchen except that it’s triangular-shaped.

And so, when you see this map, what it does is it shows you how you are energetically hardwired, so it shows you what energy do you carry within you that’s inherently yours, what’s your life purpose, your life path. It shows you where are you receiving energy from other people because we all do. We’re designed to interact energetically with others, so it shows you are you empathic, do you get pressure from other people, how are you hardwired to interact with other people.

It gives you your decision-making strategy. It tells you about your learning style. It tells you about, as I said, your life purpose, what you’re here to do for work, your best ways to make money, your best ways to make decisions. It gives you a ton of information about how you actually operate, which is why it’s different than traditional astrology and other personality assessment systems. It doesn’t just tell you, “Oh, you’re this kind of person and you have these kinds of likes and desires.” It actually says, “Here’s how you activate this so that you’re creating and actually living your life in an authentic way that feels aligned with your energy, so you’re not burning out and getting unhealthy.”

Kim: So, this is a huge download of information.

Karen: Mm-hmm.

Kim: And it’s just based on your birth date, time and you said, location?

Karen: Correct.

Kim: So, I’ll give you an example. I had when I grew up when I was growing up in high school, I had a best friend. Her name was Karen. And she had her birthday on the same day as me. We were born in different locations and perhaps I think, yeah, for sure, at different times. In fact, I used to maybe secretly be happy that I was a few hours older than her.

But would we be that different from one another?

Karen: Absolutely, because your energy blueprint is just the structural framework within which other things flow. For example, let’s just talk about the idea of conditioning. Science shows that you are conditioned. Your personality reacts oftentimes a certain way because of things that happened to your grandparents two generations before you were even born. So, you have your genetics, you have your epigenetics, you have your own imprinting from your parents, you have your own experiences and your own interpretations of your experiences. Your design and even I would gently say even if you’re just doing strict astrology, it just gives you the framework or plotline of your story but what you plug into the story of your life is up to you and your conditioning.

Kim: And you talked about grandparents, etc. is that based on timeline or is it but based on culture?

Karen: It’s actually based on genetics.

Kim: Just genetics. I see.

Karen: Well, there’s other things, too. For sure, there’s more to that than that but that’s a whole five-hour conversation [overlapping conversations 00:22:21].

Kim: So let’s say I come to you and I say, “Okay, I want you to produce,” I don’t, again, know the words but, “produce a Human Design report for me. How long does it take?”

Karen: To do the report or to run the chart?

Kim: I don’t know. Are they the same thing or two different things?

Karen: Chart takes about 10 seconds but actually and analyze and decipher a chart, I mean, I certainly can without a pretty quick reading in about 30 minutes. I do train people to do it really over the course of about two hours. It’s a pretty intensive deep dive into what drives you, what motivates you or how do you function, how do you make decisions, how do you experience the world, what’s your life purpose.

Kim: Interesting. So, you create the chart and then you schedule a review with them then to do the analysis.

Karen: Mm-hmm.

Kim: Interesting. Now, I want to play around a bit. Can I do that?

Karen: Uh-huh.

Kim: So, you have me on the phone. I am a little bit of a quirky person. Is there anything you could read off of this path, an hour phone call so far?

Karen: You wanted me to use my psychic skills or my [overlapping conversations 00:23:35]?

Kim: Whatever you got, psychic, coaching, Human Design — whatever, bring it all together.

Karen: So, here’s what I would say. You’ve had a life path where from your own challenges and struggles, you’ve discovered ways that you can help people maximize their potential. You enjoy sharing from your own place and your experiences, and struggle, plus your own knowledge base how to help people maximize their potential. You have a sense of obligation and power around bringing this message forth to the world so that you can tap into or tap people back into their potentials so they can tap others so they can tap others because you’re not satisfied just being a coach or doing your own work. You actually want to have an impact on the world because it’s important to you to leave the world a better place than when you came and it probably drives you.

And if you’re not on task with other, you feel like you’re not in alignment with that mission. You may even feel a little bit like you’re failing your mission and then go back and beat yourself up, and try five or six other more projects to try to get yourself back on track with that.

Kim: Wow! I’m impressed. I don’t know. You must have done some research. I’m impressed. You know what I’m particularly impressed with, the tapping and the tapping, and the tapping. So you said I have this thing. In fact, it’s something I share, which is the ripple effect that when we can help one person, they help their families and their communities, and their businesses and there’s a ripple effect, which is your way of saying the tapping and the tapping.

Very, very cool. So, go back to the 800 people email that you sent out. You hadn’t spoken to them in years and all of a sudden, you’re waking them up again. How do you do that? What do you say? It’s only 800 people. How do you grow a business with a small database like that?

Karen: Well, first of all, I had intuitive readings in Human Design in my toolkit. So, I certainly invited them to call me for sessions. And, I will be honest with you. When I look back and I read what I wrote, I really love the person that that woman who I was at that point in time because she really was pretty either stupid or brave, one of the two or maybe both. Because I really was pretty transparent with people about, “Here’s what I’m dealing with in my life. Here are the mistakes that I’ve made. Here’s where I am working to realign my consciousness.”

I really talked a lot about at that point especially my journey and my struggles around money and abundance in both relationships and finances. And, I think that being really open about the journey and still taking the position of being a teacher who was also struggling was something that appeal to people. I think the personal growth and development industry has a lot of people in it who really seem to look and act, and certainly taught a platform where they know everything and they have all the answers. And, I think I had attracted a lot of people who were jaded on that storyline and really wanted to be real. And, I was real with people about, “Here’s where I’m at.”

Kim: Are you as real now? I think you are. You’re pretty damn real.

Karen: I am. I mean, I can’t really hide who I am. I try. My dad I think probably wishes I would. But no, I’m just me. And, I have crappy days, I have created a line of flower essences and the woman who creates our flower essences for our company knows me well enough that she preserves my special blend in tequila, so when things get bad, I take a shot of tequila spray.

And it does evolve. It’s evolving and lightened quest as it’s an adventure.

Kim: It most certainly is. So, what is the greatest challenge you’re confronting now? What’s the thing that’s on your plate that’s eating up your mind space?

Karen: I think the thing that I find fascinating at this stage of the game is that the drive and the directive for growth and expansion never stops, and that’s awesome. But when at what point is the freaking freak out going to stop, do we ever get to a point where we up level and we go, “Oh man, I got this.” It’s like new level, same devil, new level, same freaking devil, new level, same devil over and over again.

Kim: And, it’s an interesting thing because I think that we just feel like the challenge is bigger than us each time and that’s what causes the freak out.

Karen: Mm-hmm. Totally.

Kim: It’s the perception of what the freak out is about. It’s the perception of the magnitude of the problem or the challenge or the volume of what’s happening in front of us. But man, you’ve been through a lot in a grand scheme of life.

Karen: Right.

Kim: To me, the idea is that there is this perception that it’s something new or something bigger or something grander or something more complex. Because if it were the same thing, you wouldn’t freak out. So, there’s a trick happening in your brain that says, “But this one is different.”

Karen: Mm-hmm. I think the thing that comes up too is this idea that, “Well, this is going to be it.” There’s like, “I’m going to reach the ceiling at this one. There’s not going to be growing beyond this, so I should just be happy where I am and be just settled for where it is.”

Kim: Yeah. I don’t know. I think that if you don’t keep growing and you start declining and that’s no fun. That’s no fun.

Karen: Sure. Yeah.

Kim: And I get from your voice that you like to have fun, you’re playful and so I think you’re in for the fun.

Karen: The name of my business is Joyful Mission.

Kim: There you go.

Karen: And, I named it that because for a lot of years, it really wasn’t and I thought, “I need to grow into this joy thing because otherwise what’s the point?”

Kim: It’s very interesting, what’s the point. I think I’ve heard that question three times this week and you have been the one to ask it I think in the healthiest manner. My mother-in-law asked me that question and yeah, there’ve been a lot of older people in her generation who have been passing away and so she said, “What’s the point?” Like, “What’s the point? Why do I need to work hard at having a happy life? What’s the point? I’m going to end up dead anyways.”

Karen: Well, I have to throw this back to another part of the story when I was 40 years old, I had breast cancer. And, I was struggling to heal and take care of myself while I was still raising these kids and running my business. And, I actually didn’t tell anybody because I have a psyche — I don’t want to deal when everybody is worried. I need to just deal with this myself.

At one morning, I woke up and I had this perspective that morning of or this vision of literally looking back on my life at 84 and seeing where I was really out of alignment with some priorities, and I needed to reel in and it really was at that point that I thought, “If it’s not fun and I’m not aligned with my heart and the things that are the priorities of my heart, what is the point?”

So, I found the point and then kept going.

Kim: What is the point? If you’re not having fun, what’s the point? If you’re not in a state of presence, joy, passion, engagement, what’s the point?

Karen: Mm-hmm.

Kim: I want you. I want you on that 100%. Except my view of myself at 84 years old is of this super fit athletic grandma, so I’m working on that one.

Last question, I mean, it’s a little funny to ask a coach who has so much experience but you have a coach on the line. Is there a question you have for this coach?

Karen: So, I have a great question and we had talked about this before. Just because you are a coach doesn’t mean you don’t have any place where you don’t need support and encouragement, so here’s my question for you. And it’s an interesting challenge that I have now as a parent of seven that young adults children who classify me as having the IQ of about -12 at this point. What tips or strategies do you have that can help me learn to detach emotionally from the drama of having young adult children?

Kim: That’s an interesting question. I have young adult children. All of my children are young adults ranging an age from 17 to 23. And so, I’m going to give you not just coaching advice but probably a little personal advice. And, I’ll give you two pieces of advice.

Number one is that when you buy into the drama, what you’re doing is, you have a vision of them in a debilitated state if that makes any sense. And so, your job in the midst of their drama is to tap into the side of you that says, “I trust that you can manage this.” And so, how do you that? You envision them in a place where they’re past this moment and in a much more successful, calm, peaceful state. So, the work had nothing to do with them or their drama. The work has to do with you and your vision of their ability to handle the crisis of the moment.

Karen: That’s very powerful. And you know what, it’s so interesting. You know the stuff in your head but then actually applying it and I think I need to write this on my forum the next time I talk to one of my kids in particularly.

Kim: I’ll tell you a story. My daughter is leaving for France. Yeah, first, she flies to England and then they take the boat over to Calais through Dover, so she ends up in France. And, she’s leaving on Monday. She’s going for about nine days. And, with the recent events in England, I’m a little freaked out. And I’ve been freaked out for a little while because there’s a lot of unrest in that neighborhood you could say.

And so, one night, I actually woke up in the middle of the night just feeling worry and stress, and I’m not a typical worry, stress person. And, I woke up in the morning and I said, “Okay, I need to change my orientation. I just need to. This is not good for her.” I am energetically putting crap in her environment and it’s not good for me. It’s just not good for anybody. I just don’t want this anymore.

And so, what I did was I journaled and for those of you who are listening, everybody knows I’m a big fan of journaling. And so, I journaled that morning and the journal was really focused on, “Okay, here are the worries but this is not helping me and this is not serving me. Let me move into a vision or a picture of how I can imagine her successfully coming home or going on this trip, finding date for her prom and coming home happy.”

And I envisioned her eating cool foods, talking to people in different languages and accents, really making great friends with the people on their trip and having a wonderful time and coming back having stories and stories, and stories to tell. And that vision, I’ve replaced the vision of worry with the vision of her coming back totally happy, sending me Snapchats while she’s away and that felt so much better and really, really took the fear from a nine to maybe a two to be honest.

Karen: That’s great. That’s a great idea.

Kim: So, a few strategies, really it’s about orienting your mind to say, “I can see that she’s fine. I can see that this drama is temporary. I can see that they have the skills and they are equipped to deal with it. I believe in them.” And, that message by the way that you give to your kids is probably the single most important message. I trust you.

Karen: Totally. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Kim: I’ll just — for one more thing, I’ve always said that parenting, the word parenting, parenting is about the parent, it’s not about the child. If it were about the child, it would be called childing. It’s not called parenting, right?

Karen: Totally.

Kim: So, what is parenting really about? It’s about self-management when your kids are being insane when they’re two and they’re having a temper tantrum or they’re 17 and making faces at you because they hate their clothes or they’re 23 and they have no idea what they’re going to do for the rest of their lives. It’s really about managing the self. And so, that’s the last final message I’ll leave you with.

Karen: Good reminder. Very good reminder. Thank you.

Kim: Karen, it was so fun spending time with you. I just had a blast.

Karen: Oh, me too, Kim. Thank you.

Kim: Thank you for your time, your story, sharing your insights and playing around with me a little.

Karen: But I appreciate it and I certainly will, I really appreciate the reminder because that’s, as I said, you forget sometimes when you’re in your own personal arena how you need to be present.

Kim: That’s true. Until we meet again.

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