Journaling Can Turn on Lightbulbs in your Core
Journaling can have an unbelievable effect on your day to day life. Amongst other things, journaling can help you reflect, release stress and make decisions. Adi Tamam, a Frame of Mind Coach, shares a recent journal where she explains the effect that journaling has had on her life:
Life is interesting and we never quite know what to expect from it…
Earlier this year, a past relationship resurfaced for me. Someone who I loved deeply, who lives on a different continent than me, returned to my life and proclaimed his love for me. After one full year of not communicating with me, basically being completely absent, he realized that I am the One.
So he came after me in full pursuit. It’s been two years since we broke up, not because we didn’t love each other, but because we didn’t quite know how to bring our lives together when we were both settled in different countries.
The truth is at the time I was willing to move and relocate. I was willing to do whatever it would have taken. I’m not saying I was fearless; I was scared of the unknown, however, I was willing to fight for it.
He, on the other hand, was not ready…
So, in January we met again. He asked if we could meet somewhere in the world, anywhere. He needed to move on with his life and he needed to see me in order to do it.
We met. In the British Virgin Islands. For my cousin’s wedding.
I struggled. Why? Because two years for me had been a lifetime. I pushed through my personal growth. I pushed through my blockages. I pushed myself to expand my consciousness. I discovered new aspects of myself. I explored. I developed new dreams.
I tucked away the dreams for a life with him. I had no choice. He shut me out.
So, when we saw each other I connected to my “old” self with my “new” self. I was confused between what I wanted and what I want. I was angry that he just realized he wanted to marry me two years after our breakup.
I was also sad. Because deep inside even though I wanted to choose him, I couldn’t because there were now clear missing ingredients in our relationship. I outgrew him.
After a week in paradise. I was heartbroken again. Now really dealing with the emotions I had tucked away.
Over the last several months in my weak moments in which I went into self doubt, I questioned myself and turning down his offer to move to Paris and start a life with him.
In my weak moments, I had felt perhaps I am making a mistake. And all the “what if’s” flooded me. I created an opening for fear to come in.
Last week I decided to go into my journal, here, and read my journal entries from more than two years ago. To go back in time, and remind myself what I was dealing with when we were together. What struggles I had faced with him. What was missing for me then to see if it matched now.
I was deeply moved when I read my journal entries. I reaffirmed that the same ingredients that were missing then were still missing now, however, now it was more evident.
I am grateful for the journals because they remind me that I have been making the right choices for myself. They remind me of my deep desires that I live to fulfill in my life. They remind me of who I am, what I want, the game that I am playing and to not EVER settle for less.
Journaling is powerful, it’s an imprint in time of our evolution in this life. It’s a portal for us to look into and see our progression, where we are still stuck and where we have work to do to overcome our self-imposed limitations.
There’s always room for growth. It’s why we are here. It’s what keeps the journey exciting.
Frame of Mind Coach