Constructive Vs. Destructive Criticism

The term “destructive criticism” has been getting some major press lately—and for good reason. It’s a term that has come to popularity so that people can properly tell the difference between what good feedback and bad feedback looks like. 

Why is this important? Because it can be hard to take feedback, no matter what kind it is. And knowing what kind of feedback you’re getting can help you decide whether taking constructive criticism is worth it… or if what you’re really getting is destructive criticism that isn’t helpful and doesn’t advance your career. 

Let’s look at the differences between constructive criticism and destructive criticism, how to handle each, and what to do when negative feedback takes up too much of your already busy day. 

Differences between Constructive and Destructive Criticism

What is Constructive Criticism?

Here’s a clear, simple definition of constructive criticism: “Constructive criticism is a form of feedback that gives specific recommendations for improvement.”

This definition works for several reasons:

• Clear and specific: Constructive criticism isn’t constructive if it’s confusing and hard to follow. If someone simply says, “You need to work on your communication skills,” that’s not a very helpful comment—how do you know what to work on if you’re not told what specific area of communication could be improved?
• Recommendations for change: Constructive criticism also focuses on change, growth, and improvement. Giving someone feedback that tears them down doesn’t apply here, because the goal of constructive criticism is to point out something that can help you get better at what you’re doing.
• Honest, positive delivery: Constructive criticism is delivered in an honest, positive way. People who give constructive criticism do it kindly, and their goal is benevolent: they want to help you help yourself. 

What is Destructive Criticism?

On the other hand, destructive criticism is all about problems. It’s about what you’re doing wrong, it’s not clear or specific, it doesn’t provide any avenues for change or recommendations for improvement, and it’s usually delivered in a mean-spirited way. 

Here are a few things destructive criticism can lead to:

• Lower morale: If your boss or colleague is always giving you destructive criticism, it can lead to disengagement, apathy, and anger at work.

• Worse performance: Unlike constructive criticism, destructive criticism can actually lead to worse performance at work, contributing to things like imposter syndrome and creating disillusionment with your coworkers, company, and overall mission.

• Resentment: Some people simply don’t enjoy feedback (even though it can be necessary for growth). But destructive criticism can actively lead to resentment—a major killer when it comes to being able to work well with your colleagues. 

Handling Constructive and Destructive Criticism

When it comes to handling criticism, regardless of whether it’s constructive or destructive criticism, your goal is actually the same. The goal is to monitor your reaction to it—positive, negative, or otherwise—and then think about how your deeper beliefs relate to it so that you can engage in new, more helpful behaviors going forward. 

Here are some common beliefs around being critiqued that you might carry, and how to think about them differently.

When you hate any kind of criticism

This belief may sound like “I hate being criticized at all. It makes me feel uncomfortable and incompetent.”

If you feel slighted by any kind of criticism, then the belief you carry about being critiqued isn’t helping you. Opening yourself up to the idea that others have important things to say about how you can progress and improve could benefit you in the long run. 

Criticism isn’t designed to be antagonistic. It’s one of the few ways we’re able to teach each other about better, stronger, or faster ways to accomplish things. It even preemptively reduces tension and mistakes down the road.

In short, constructive criticism helps make each other better.

When negative criticism really gets you down

This belief may sound like “I don’t mind criticism, but negative criticism really gets to me. It doesn’t add any value to my day, and it ruins my ability to work properly.”

If you’re upset that someone keeps trying to tear you down, then what does that say about your beliefs regarding the person who’s making your life more difficult? You may think they’re sabotaging you, or that they’re cruel… but why place so much importance on what they say at all?

If they’re taking up that much of your headspace with their bad commentary, then you might inherently believe that that person is important, and what they’re saying could be true. After all, if you don’t think what they’re saying is useful or true, then why are you unable to ignore it?

So, here’s what you might want to try. What if, instead of focusing your time and attention on feedback that’s simply unhelpful, you directed your efforts toward seeking out colleagues who do give useful criticism? 

Adopting a belief system like this helps you in several ways:

• You’ll be less likely to react to criticism with anger or defensiveness.
• You’ll stop engaging in debates or arguments with people who give destructive criticism.
• You’ll free up more time and energy to focus on what really matters to you.

Coaching Tips for Constructive and Destructive Criticism

Even when you trade up your beliefs about criticism, it’s not always easy to train your brain to respond how you’d like. Here are some coaching tips for taking criticism with a grain of salt.

• Pause before reacting: When receiving criticism, don't respond right away. Take a breath and allow yourself to process the feedback objectively. This helps you avoid an emotional response that might not serve you in the long run.
• Ask clarifying questions: If the criticism is vague or unclear, ask for specific examples to better understand what needs improvement. This can sometimes turn what feels like neutral or destructive criticism into positive criticism.
• Consider the messenger: Try not to take destructive criticism personally. After all, the issue may lie with the person giving the criticism, not you. Is this someone whose opinion you truly value?
• Look for the kernel of truth: Even in destructive criticism, there may be a nugget of useful feedback buried within it. Identify any potential areas for growth.
• Provide your perspective: If appropriate, explain your thought process respectfully to give context around the criticized behavior. Opening up the conversation like this can help you get even more specific and actionable feedback from the person who’s critiquing you.

• Make an improvement plan: For constructive criticism, devise a roadmap to implement the suggestions step-by-step. Breaking down what you need to do into small, actionable tasks can make criticism much less daunting.
• Check your ego: Criticism can sting, but approach it with an open mind and a willingness to develop, not defensiveness. This is important if you want to move forward with greater peace, ease and happiness.
    
• Say thank you: Feedback is a gift! How often does someone give you guidance, free of charge? Expressing gratitude for feedback shows that you appreciate their willingness to share with you, and repositions what may feel like an awkward interaction into a helpful one.

• Establish feedback agreements: Make it clear what types of constructive criticism you enjoy engaging with. Rather than setting a communication boundary for someone else, you can say, “I’m open to hearing any helpful feedback you have to give.” Tell people what you want and give them the tools to be successful with you.

• Seek out trusted advisors: Build relationships with colleagues, friends, coaches, and other third parties who provide feedback compassionately to prioritize constructive input.

There’s a lot more to understanding destructive criticism, but this is a good place to start. If you want more help, we’ve got your back. Schedule a complimentary coaching call with one of our coaches to start tackling problems with destructive criticism at work.