What to do when your plans get thwarted.
What’s your immediate reaction when your plans get derailed? It’s frustrating, right? You feel it in your body: your stomach drops, you get hotheaded, you feel a little anxious.
But have you ever gotten curious instead?
Have you ever become inspired, thought deeper about why those plans changed, and considered that a change of plans might be a good thing?
If so, you might fall into one of two categories of people: “adapters,” or people who choose to flow with their plans being thwarted.
If not, it’s a useful type of skill to gain.
Let’s look at WHO these adapters are, WHAT makes them who they are, and HOW to be one.
Reactors vs. Adapters
When a change of plans happens, most people are what we’d call “reactors.” Reactors react—which isn’t inherently bad, but usually those reactions include a lot of thoughts, beliefs and emotions that don’t necessarily help them react wisely.
Reactors:
- Become highly emotionally involved when plans change
- Linger in frustration after something goes awry
- Dig their heels in to fight changes
- Are more prone to thinking there’s ONE way to do things
- Have many ingrained beliefs that make them inflexible
By contrast, adapters:
- Become curious about why plans change
- Can get frustrated by change, but choose not to hold onto it as long
- Change direction and pivot toward a new reality
- Are more prone to thinking there are MANY ways to do things
- Have beliefs that keep them flexible but also challenge beliefs that don’t serve them
Whereas reactors grip tighter, fighting against the shifts of life with everything they’ve got, adapters learn to roll with things—and find unexpected opportunities in the chaos.
Of course, it’s easy to describe adapters in the abstract—but how do they work in real life?
Common Examples of Adapting
We help our coaching clients come up with countless ways to grow and be flexible in the face of a change of plans. Here are just a few examples of how adapters stay resilient in real-world situations:
- Professional flexibility: Consider this common scenario: A professional who’s been working toward a specific promotion for years suddenly learns the position has been eliminated. Initially, it feels like a devastating blow. But by getting curious instead of critical, they might discover that this change of plans opens the door to entrepreneurship, something they’d always dreamed about but never had the push to pursue.
- Personal flexibility: Picture someone who’s spent months planning their dream wedding only to face an unexpected venue closure three weeks before the big day. While some might spiral into crisis mode, adaptable individuals often discover that the last-minute venue change leads to an even more meaningful celebration—maybe it becomes an intimate gathering in a family garden that creates more personalized memories than the original plan ever could have.
- Family flexibility: Think about parents who’ve mapped out their child’s educational journey, only to learn their child has different needs or interests than expected. Those who remain flexible often find that adjusting their plans—perhaps exploring alternative education approaches—leads to their child thriving in ways they never imagined.
- Romantic flexibility: Many of us believe in the concept of finding “the one.” But when we don’t find that one person who makes things perfect, we get dejected—and give up on dating altogether. With a flexible mindset, adapters are more likely to see potential partners as one of many—which isn’t to say their partners are replaceable. Rather, it opens up the possibility that in romantic relationships, you grow together rather than “finding the one.” By putting time and energy into a relationship, you create the romantic life you deserve—rather than simply discovering it one day.
- Health flexibility: Imagine an athlete training for a marathon suddenly sidelined by an injury. While some might view this as a failure, adaptable individuals often use this change of plans to discover new forms of movement, cross-training opportunities, or even mental training techniques that make them stronger competitors in the long run.
The Keys to Becoming an Adapter
If you want to learn how to deal with a change of plans more effectively, you don’t have to look far. In fact, there’s a pretty simple blueprint for becoming an adapter. Here’s what you’ll want to do:
1. Allow Yourself to Feel the Impact
Yes, I know—this is what I said REACTORS do, right? The thing is, adapters do this too, just more briefly and with intention. Adapters start by feeling and acknowledging the pain of a change of plans—we are human after all—but they don’t become entrenched in those feelings. Instead, they feel it, embrace it, and then move onto the next step.
2. Get Curious About the Change
Here’s where adapters really start to diverge. Instead of asking “Why me?” in the face of change, they ask, “What’s the purpose here?” Everything has a purpose—even seemingly awful changes. Finding purpose in the change is where curiosity begins to develop… and with curiosity comes opportunities.
3. Challenge Beliefs That Don’t Serve You
This next step takes the previous step to a new level. In addition to asking what the purpose of the SITUATION is, start thinking about what the purpose of your THOUGHTS regarding the situation are. You probably thought whatever happened was terrible—but why? Is every big change necessarily terrible? And does it serve you, your happiness and your peace to think big change is terrible in the first place? This is where the real work begins. By mining your own deeper beliefs about change, you can start to think more flexibly.
4. Pivot Towards Something Else
Now that you’ve asked yourself what’s possible—instead of what’s so wrong—about change, you get to come up with alternatives! If your book deal fell through, maybe now’s the time to start writing the next novel. If you didn’t get that promotion you deserved, there’s a whole lot of other positions out there to start looking at. See how it works?
5. Embrace Your Foundation
Here’s a final piece of advice when it comes to adapting—after you start making the change, don’t forget to come back to your roots. What helps you the most during times of adversity? Family? Faith? Friends? Whatever your support network looks like, lean into them.
And that’s it! This is the roadmap to becoming an adapter, rather than a reactor.
The Results of Learning to Adapt
Learning to adapt has major benefits. Here’s what people who learn how to embrace a change of plans easily get to experience:
- More energy spent chasing ideas instead of fighting against inevitable changes
- More excitement when it comes to new opportunities, possibilities and directions
- More curiosity in daily life—life becomes about what is WANTED, not what is LOST
- More meaningful connections with others who are also going through change
- More joy in the journey and the destination
- Less anxiety in the face of change
- Less fear that a suboptimal situation won’t work out
- Less grief over major life changes
- Greater resilience in professional and personal relationships
- Faster career advancement due to adaptability
- Stronger decision-making skills in tense situations
- Increased creativity in problem-solving
- Increased confidence in handling unknown situations
- More emotional intelligence and self-awareness
- Better stress-management during unexpected transitions
- Greater ability to inspire and lead others through change
- Higher levels of innovation in their chosen field
- Enhanced ability to mentor others
- …And, ultimately: MORE PEACE OF MIND during the most turbulent times
Embrace the Change
The thing about a change of plans is: when the world shifts on you, it can actually be the most inspiring, important and useful thing out there.
The question isn’t whether your plans will get disrupted—they will. The question is: How will you respond when they do?
Will you react to the change, letting your emotions dictate how you respond, how quickly you adapt, and how long it takes you to feel “okay” again?
Or will you take charge of your own change… and get curious about what a change of plans might be making room for in your life?
In the end, the most successful people aren’t the ones who never face disruption—they’re the ones who’ve learned to dance with it. And so, the next time you face an unexpected change of plans, remember: you can either fight against the current, exhausting yourself in the process, or you can get curious about where this new stream might take you.
You can react, or you can adapt.
