Do we all have the same struggle? 

When the now-iconic Humans of New York blog first began, the premise was simple: a street photographer took pictures of passersby in and around Manhattan. Slowly, it turned into something more—an interview series in which the question, “What is your greatest struggle?” served as the jumping-off point for a larger conversation. 

That question has led to many revealing answers about the hurdles in life all of us face. At the same time, the premise of “struggling” begets a larger, more universal question: do we all have the same struggles? Or are our problems each unique and personal—like fingerprints?

The answer, as you might expect, is complex.

It’s a little bit of both. 

Do we all have the same struggles?

Of course different people struggle with different things: some people have financial difficulties, others are overworked and overstressed, and still others have issues in their home lives that make day-to-day life tough. 

With that said, we shouldn’t confuse struggles with goals. What we struggle with might be different, but our goals in life are—with relatively few exceptions—exactly alike. 

What do we all want?

It’s not a fancy car, or a promotion, or a new romantic partner. Those are short-term goals, but they’re not the underlying goal that drives our desire for these things. 

The thing that drives us is simple: we all want to experience peace, ease, excitement, fulfillment and, above all, happiness. 

That’s the goal. To be happy, of course!

So, then—if our struggles get in the way of our happiness, how do we contend with them? 

It starts with redefining the term struggle.

Redefining what it means to struggle

The word “struggle” is a bit of a lie. Nobody’s really at fault for that—in fact, it’s more of a byproduct of how we live and think about life that has turned the word against us. In today’s speech, when we think about struggling, we think about all the external factors in life that are bringing us down. 

I’m struggling to pay my bills. The assumption here is that outside forces are making it hard to keep up with our finances: rent payments, groceries and unexpected fees. And our response is usually: If I only had more money, I could stop struggling. 

But what happens when we think this way? 

We abdicate responsibility. 

Instead of taking ownership of our thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, we look outside of ourselves for a sense of control. Instead of thinking about how we can change our thinking to change our circumstances, we start thinking about how we’re in a long-term war with the world outside us, and the only way to move through it is by struggling. 

But we don’t have to think that way! 

Turning struggle into resilience

Instead of thinking about struggling as an internal or external problem, we should think of it as just another thought that takes up brain-space—and, in most cases, it’s a thought we’re better off leaving behind. 

Think of struggling like negative self-talk. When you talk down to yourself, you start to believe what you say, and then the world reinforces those beliefs. For instance, if you believe you’re a nervous person who’s incapable of making new friends, then you’re not very likely to put yourself out there and meet people.

So it goes with struggling. If you see your problems as insurmountable struggles, then you’re not likely to change anything about the situation. Instead, the world feels like it’s simply happening to you, instead of reacting to you. 

Don’t let the world happen to you. React to it.

That’s how you build resilience.

What is struggling good for?

The word struggle isn’t completely useless. In fact, it’s kind of like an internal “check engine light.” Feeling like you’re struggling means you’re correct in noticing something: that your current situation isn’t the place you want to be.  

But instead of falling into despair over those thoughts, think of how useful they can be. It’s much worse to NOT know what you’re struggling with—or to not know you’re experiencing the feeling of struggling at all. 

Because when you know how you feel, you can look inward, assess those thoughts, and think: how can I think differently about my situation?

That’s the power of the word “struggle.” It’s the first baby step on a path toward your ultimate goal: peace, ease, excitement and, yes, happiness.