How To Be Happy Again

People say there are more tools to be happy today than ever before. But is that true? And what exactly does that mean—being happy? Can you really “increase” or “maximize” your happiness? Or is our desire to be as happy as possible as much as possible actually making us unhappy and leading to us feeling disappointed with life?

If we’re going to unpack how to be happier—and not just look at what’s supposed to make us happy—then we need to understand what it means to be happy in the first place. 

A definition of happiness 

Many people think happiness is unique to each and every individual—and while that holds some truth, it’s not the whole truth. It’s true that living a happy life may look different from person to person, but the actual definition of happiness is pretty universal.

The definition of happiness is as follows: feeling peace, ease, exhilaration, fulfillment and joy no matter what is going on in the world around us.   

That’s right. Happiness isn’t a condition one meets after achieving a certain number of goals. Happiness is a state of mind cultivated by thoughts and beliefs that reinforce our overall satisfaction with life. 

That’s not to say that certain conditions don’t make us unhappy. And it definitely doesn’t mean we should grin and bear life’s worst curveballs while pretending everything’s fine. 

What it does mean is that happiness and freedom go hand in hand.

When you feel more “free,” you feel happier. Freedom from instinctive negative thoughts, freedom from instant disappointment, freedom from yearning for more when we have most of what we need, freedom from being unable to see challenges as opportunities… these freedoms make room in our lives for more consistent happiness. 

But how do we find that freedom?

Finding true freedom

Every day, we have a choice to embrace freedom. It’s not easy—nobody teaches us to do it. But choosing freedom leads to larger net happiness. Here are a few examples of what freedom means in context.

• Reacting differently to negative events: Instead of reacting on emotional impulses, freedom means the ability to choose how to respond to a situation. You may choose to respond in anger, but having the capability of responding with compassion means you’re free from the emotional strain imposed on you by external events. 
  
• Becoming more resilient: When you encounter a setback or failure, it’s natural to feel disappointed. But building up your emotional resilience and allowing yourself to see “failure” as an opportunity instead of a problem gives you greater peace, ease and joy.
  
• Prioritizing your emotional happiness over people-pleasing: Being in service to others is a good thing. On the other hand, being a servant to others’ whims, emotions and desires is a dead-end road to misery. Prioritizing your own emotional wellbeing first gives you the energy and humility to respond with more kindness and compassion when you do choose to be of service to others. 
  
• Letting go of thoughts and stories that don’t serve you: We all tell ourselves a narrative about our life. The stories we’re telling, though, aren’t always nice. We say we’re “not good” at certain things, or that we’ve “failed” at some point. Think about it: how does telling yourself these things help you? Is this mentality setting you free and letting you do what you really want, or is it stopping you from succeeding before you’ve really started?
  
• Choosing happiness over correctness: We love to be right. It’s human nature. It’s also why we end up bickering with our spouses, sending passive aggressive emails to our coworkers and reprimanding our children for their behavior. Do any of those things really make us happy? When we have an opportunity to be “right,” we also have an opportunity to be happy—and most times, we don’t have the opportunity to be both. Letting go of your need to be right opens up the door to be more thoughtful, compassionate, present and at peace. 

None of this “freedom” business comes easy. These lessons are tough to learn and even harder to implement. But if you’re feeling disappointed with life, then something’s got to change—and that change will help you learn how to be happy again. 

If you want help on that journey, we’re here.