I don’t fit in culturally at work

“I don’t fit in at work.” If you’ve ever said or thought this in a moment of frustration, then you probably know what it’s like to experience workplace culture shock. 

Many people experience this kind of isolation every day. Often, their coworkers will celebrate holidays like Christmas and Easter, putting mandatory out-of-the-office dates in place to observe events like these. That’s not the issue.

But what about your holidays? And your traditions? Do your coworkers look at you like an alien every time you tell them about a cultural difference you have? If that’s the case, here are some ways to combat that “I don’t fit in” feeling at work. 

First, decide what’s worth spending energy on… 

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to address every culture shock moment that comes your way, especially if it causes you stress. For instance, when someone says Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays, that’s probably a moment where you can choose to let things go.

Sure, you may not celebrate Santa and his sleigh, but saying “thank you” and moving on with your life probably takes less energy than if you spend another five minutes reminding your coworker that you’ve never put milk and cookies out for the big man up north. 

…and who is worth spending energy on 

Now, there are some people in this world who really should understand everything about you. Your close friends, your spouse, your family, your siblings… you know who matters to you, and it’s up to you to make sure they understand your traditions and practices. 

These are the people who should know about your biggest cultural differences and how to respect them — Jake at the water cooler? Not so much. Make a mental list of who you want to know about your cultural differences, and see who makes the cut. 

Then, make room to expand the list, educate and be seen

The advice above is good, but it’s not complete. That’s because while you don’t need to get upset over every ignorant workplace culture faux pas that comes your way, you also don’t want to be silent or complicit in the face of someone who’s unknowingly disrespecting your culture, or contributing to your sense of culture shock. 

Instead of only keeping your differences to yourself, invite others into your culture, and see who follows. You don’t need to force John in accounting to learn what a dreidel is, but if you set up a workplace culture office event respecting your traditions and practices and make room for others to join you, you might be surprised who shows up. 

This way, you’re not forcing anything on anyone, but you’re also not letting your differences get swept under the rug. You’re being seen — without doing to others what they’ve done unto you. 

What’s more, doing this will help you learn more about who deserves to see your cultural differences, and who doesn’t. The people who choose not to engage with the space you’ve made probably aren’t worth the time spent educating; conversely, the people who do show up are most likely worth it. 

Lastly, share the love

Just as you want to be seen and get rid of the “I don’t fit in” sensation, when other people share their cultures with you, it helps to listen. If you’re not familiar with Easter, say so — and then ask someone who follows that holiday to explain it!  

This goes for all sorts of traditions. Getting curious about someone else’s culture will, in turn, make them more curious about yours… until the cycle repeats itself, and both of you become much more familiar with one another. 

So, once again: pick the people who are worth teaching apart from those who aren’t, educate where you can, and get curious about other people’s beliefs. Ultimately, with these steps in place, you can learn to navigate the “I don’t fit in” feeling of culture shock you’re experiencing at work.