Why do I keep making the same mistakes?

Are you still eating rotten mangoes?

We’ll get to that—for now, let me ask that question a different way: are you still making the same mistakes over and over again?

Many of us are. Many of us tell ourselves things will be different next time, but next time is always the same. And in the end, we keep asking ourselves, “Why do I keep making the same mistakes?”

Today we’re going to look at the “cycle of mistakes” phenomenon—and we’re going to start with, of all things, mangoes.

Why making mistakes is like eating rotten mangoes

Let me ask you something: If someone handed you a mango that looked perfectly ripe on the outside, but when you bit into it, you discovered it was rotten—what would you do? You’d stop eating it, right?

But what if the same person handed you another mango the next day? And the next? And every single time, despite its promising appearance, it was rotten inside. Would you keep taking bites, hoping that maybe this time it would be different?

Of course not! That would be crazy, right?

And yet… this is exactly what so many of us do in our lives, our relationships, and our careers. We find ourselves asking, “Why do I keep making the same mistakes?” as we take another bite of that rotten fruit.

What eating rotten mangoes does to us

Here’s a scenario I see play out all the time in my coaching practice: Picture a professional who we’ll call Sarah. She’s frustrated and exhausted, constantly dealing with a colleague who makes grand promises about helping with important projects. The commitments look beautiful on the outside—just like that perfectly ripe mango.

I have this kind of scenario described to me all the time in coaching sessions.

And do you know what the result is? Every single time, despite the fact that this colleague promised things would work out well for Sarah, the colleague drops the ball.

Without fail.

The work is late, incomplete, or simply not done at all.

And what does Sarah do (see also: what do most people do)? She keeps taking bites of that rotten mango. She keeps believing the promises. She keeps making the same mistakes, hoping that this time will be different.

This is how we keep the cycle going.

And I know what you’re thinking: that you don’t have another choice; that sometimes, you have to work with difficult people and deal with challenging situations. This is all true.

But while we can’t always control the mangoes life hands us, we absolutely can control whether or not we keep biting into the ones we know are rotten.

We don’t HAVE to choose to keep making the same mistakes.

How to break out of the mistake trap

Coaching can help you put rotten mangoes down for good. When working with clients who find themselves making the same mistakes repeatedly, we help them learn to:

• Recognize patterns that consistently lead to disappointment
• Stop expecting different results from the same situations
• Create new strategies that don’t rely on historically unreliable sources
• Take back their power by changing their responses to these situations
• Ultimately, restructure their beliefs in a way that make rotten mangoes look exactly as they are—extremely unappealing

The transformation is always remarkable. When someone stops expecting fresh, sweet fruit from a source that consistently delivers rot, they’re able to find new, reliable partners and opportunities. Their stress levels drop. Their productivity soars.

Most importantly, they stop feeling like a victim of other people’s behavior.

And life gets better.

Turning the page on repeated mistakes

When we keep accepting and consuming things that we know aren’t good for us—whether they’re toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, or self-defeating behaviors—we’re choosing to eat rotten mangoes.

Often, it’s because we’re afraid we won’t find better mangoes elsewhere. Or because we’ve convinced ourselves that maybe this time will be different. Or because we think we don’t deserve better fruit. This is how we end up making the same mistakes over and over again.
But here’s what coaching reveals time and time again: There are always fresh mangoes available if we’re willing to stop accepting the rotten ones.

Ask yourself:

• What rotten mangoes are you still eating in your life?
• What would change if you finally decided to stop taking bites of things you know aren’t good for you?

When you find yourself wondering, “Why do I keep making the same mistakes?”, remember: you always have the choice to put down that rotten mango.

The moment you stop accepting what constantly disappoints you is the moment you create space for something better to enter your life.